There is strength in numbers!

The old adage " there is strength in numbers" sure came into play for me today. I was pitted against one of the most narcissistic people I have ever encountered in my life. This person seems to believe that they are above any law and everyone should kowtow to him. He twists things to suit his purpose and is so money hungry and controlling. I know that these people exist in the world, but this person was the first person I have encountered like this in my life. This person has made my life miserable for over 5 years. It took over 5 years for me to get the courage to leave this mentally exhausting relationship. Now looking back, I am amazed that I didn't leave sooner. I had seen dozens of people come and go (after counting, it was upwards of 40 people). I was told never to discuss things with others especially with people who had left the relationship. I was in a relationship of sorts with an incredibly narcissistic person. Narcissists need to control everything. They try to control how a person thinks, feels and acts. If the person they are trying to control doesn't conform to their expectations, they go on the attack.

I was mentally and emotionally brutalized during this time. I didn't realize it at first. I believed that I was the one always in the wrong. That is how a narcissist operates. They break a person down to where he/she feels worthless without their abuser. It took to having a mental breakdown in a parking lot for me to realize that I needed to leave. I had to call a crisis worker and a friend who had left this toxic relationship years before to help me off the ledge of grief and despair. My thoughts had drifted to suicide and I knew I had to reach out to someone before it was too late. I had been in a depressive state like this years ago. About 30 years to be exact. After I survived that, I knew that I had to reach out when I started down that spiral to someone who could help me.

Today was the last day that I ever have to deal with this incredibly toxic person again. It was a very emotionally taxing day. I was full of trepidation and anxiety. I wasn't sure if I would make it through the day. I had my partner of many years sitting next to me for support. I made it through the harrowing incident and I am alive. I am FREE! I am still emotional due to the extreme unhinged behavior this abuser exhibited but I kept calm and I made it! The reason I was able to face this toxic abuser was the many people who reached out to me when I left and offered their support, wisdom and counsel. There were so many of them. I am eternally grateful for their friendship and support and all of my family and friends who have been on this horrific journey with me and helped me leave so that I can begin the healing process.

I know that I have a long road of healing ahead of me but I can make it. I have safety and strength in numbers.

If anyone out there thinks even for a minute that you may be in a toxic relationship, please heed your gut or reach out to someone you trust. Reach out to me. I am here and don't want anyone else to go through what I and so many others have experienced. Don't wait, the longer you wait, the harder it is to leave and the stronger the hold your abuser has on you. Have the courage to be free! You, me and everyone deserves the right to be free!!