Cancer is a family disease!

As I write this blog, I will be using the word we instead of she because as a parent going through this process with your child, it is definitely a family process. While I wasn't physically going through the years of chemotherapy, my emotions were going through the unimaginable every step of the way with her.

January 1, 2019 was one of the two worst days of my life. I received a call around just after midnight from my youngest daughter. She called me on the evening of December 31, 2018 in a lot of pain asking me if she should go to the doctor for a very painful lump on the side of her neck. She didn't have insurance and the insurance that she applied for was to go into effect the next day. She was in so much pain, she made the decision to go ahead in and have it checked at the InstaCare. They took a look at it and sent her to the ER at Alta View Hospital. I did not know that she was at the ER until I received a phone call from my very frantic daughter just after midnight. She explained that they had done a CT scan and immediately started telling her that she most likely had cancer. She was given pamphlets and resources to call on January 2nd when offices were open. The gut wrenching words that came out of her mouth left me sleepless and anxious the rest of the night. My father had passed away from Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma 18 years previous. The picture I had of him in my mind on his deathbed left me with such a deep sorrow that cannot be explained in words. To know that could possibly be what was in store for my youngest daughter was more painful that I could ever imagine.

The first visit with the oncologist was on January 3rd, 2019. The tumor on the Xray showed that her lung had collapsed and that it (the tumor) was intertwined in between the lung and heart. It was not a tumor that could ever be safely removed. The doctor explained that a biopsy would need to be done to determine exactly what type of cancer she had and a PETscan would need to be done to determine the stage she was in. Over the next month and a half, she would undergo 4 biopsies in different areas of her chest because they struggled to get deep enough to retrieve enough of the cancer cells to make a determination. On February 1, 2019, she had her first PETscan. By the 21st of February, we were back at the oncologist for the final results of the biopsies and the PETscan. The results were Stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma. What a sucker punch to the stomach! It was all I could do to hold back the tears. I knew that I had to remain strong and not ever cry in front of my daughter. I went days and perhaps weeks on end without sleep. Since I was a young girl, I had trained myself not to cry in front of others. Most people saw me through this period of time as being strong and holding it all together but the truth of the matter is that when I knew I was the only one awake in the middle of the night, that is when I would allow the tears to flow. I think I cried every night for months on end.

Since I couldn't sleep, I would research everything possible about Hodgkins lymphoma. What I did find out that it was rare form of cancer and even more rare for a young person to have it. Even though the doctor always remained optimistic. I researched the best possible things to eat while going through cancer. At each visit, my hope was that the doctor would help me encourage my daughter to eat more healthy. In fact, the doctor would tell me to let her eat what she wanted and would prescribe whatever pain medication she asked for. I remember asking the doctor if she would have a problem with withdrawals after the cancer treatments were over and his answer was always, don't worry about it. It wasn't until over a year later, I realized that the doctor (although positive in front of us) really didn't hold out much hope for my daughter to pull through. I felt oftentimes that I was in the battle alone with my daughter, trying to get her to do everything possible to beat this. I couldn't imagine a world without her in it.

Even though, I often felt alone, we did have a huge support system. My entire family, especially my mother. She, John (my significant other) and I went to every oncology appointment with Erica until COVID hit when we were no longer allowed to go in with her. John's family was fabulous. Every person constantly checking in on us. My work friends were all so very kind during this process. I don't want anyone to feel like they were not significant because they were and are. My feelings of being alone were all emotional. Although we had and still have a tremendous support system, there is something about seeing your child fight for her life that is something that most people don't have to go through. It is hard to share those emotions. Most of the time, I held my emotions in check. I did not want to break and did not want Erica to see me cry. I wanted her to see that I believed she would make it. I didn't want her to have any doubt in her mind that she would make it through the fight of her life.

After each treatment was completed and she had her PETscan and it showed each time that the cancer was not going away, I had to hold it together for Erica. The times that I would cry were always at night after everyone went to sleep. During these times of not sleeping, I would spend hours online researching her type of cancer, treatments, nutrition guideline, medications, etc. I needed to be very knowledgeable in this disease that was taking over our lives. Although I was armed with this information, it was strictly for me as Erica had her own ideas on how she wanted to eat and live.

All in all, Erica had 4 different types of chemo and immunotherapy treatments before she was ready for a bone marrow treatment. One of the final chemo treatments was done as an in patient treatment where she had round the clock chemo for 3 days. It was a great day after the 4th and final treatment when the cancer was finally responding making her eligible for the bone marrow transplant. All in all, over the course of 2 years, Erica had 5 different treatments (most lasting 2-3 months) 5 biopsies, including the bone marrow biopsy, a port implanted in her chest for the chemo treatments and a pick line implanted on the other side of her chest for the bone marrow transplant. The first 6 to 9 months of this order had trips to the ER every other week. It got to the point that one of the ER doctors recognized Erica when she would go in. She was in the hospital for nearly 3 weeks for the bone marrow transplant during the height of COVID. The day we got the PETscan results after the bone marrow showing the cancer was completely gone was one of the most emotional and wonderful days of my life. My girl was going to make it! We are now almost 2 years post transplant and we just got another PETscan showing she is still in the clear and is officially in remission.

During this time, my family got together and with my mom footing the cost and my brother, my nephews, Inti, Devin, Dallin, Caleb and Dallin's friend, Rhett, John's son, my cousin, Jeanette and her husband and sons, John and Erica's friend, Susie, we were able to finish off my basement making an apartment for Erica so she would not have to worry about rent, food, or anything else and could just focus on rest and healing. I am forever grateful for all of the support my family and John's family and all of our friends and co-workers have shown us. Without all of this support, I am not sure that as a parent, I would have been able to keep it all together. I am thankful every day for everyone that helped us along the way get to where we are.